Monday, March 2, 2015

Five

Rick worked the early shift at O'Harley's this morning. It was the morning after his day off, and he woken up a few hours before he had to go into work. He walked down to the street to pick up the paper at the newsstand and went back to his apartment. For once, the weather was really nice. He managed to climb out onto the roof when he got back home to unwind and draw; he only succeeded with one picture. He soon fell asleep and let the warm sun rain down on him. His nap was cut short by a lot of commotion coming from the asylum. It looked like there was someone standing on top of the roof. He jumped. Rick was in shock. The alarm on his phone rang: it was time to get ready for work.

Rick got to the bar and opened up shop. The night crew didn’t clean up from the night before. “Fuck, really, again?” This was not the first time that this has happened. Rick started to clean up the sticky residue from the liquor and beer. After Yesu showed up to open the kitchen, Rick opened the doors to the public. It was a slow day for the most part—only a few people in the first hour. Most of them just ordered food. No big deal for Rick because that was all Yesu’s job.

Around eleven, a homeless man, who smelled like death had taken a dump on a pile of shit, walked into the bar and stumbled over to Rick.  “I want as much whiskey as I can buy with this.” He threw some money down on the bar.

“A bit early for whiskey, isn't it?” Rick said.

He glared at Rick and didn’t say anything further. Rick gave him the shitty stuff; he didn’t like his attitude or his smell. The sooner he got out of the bar, the better. As the man finished his drinks, he stared daggers into Rick and then walked out in a hurry. That wasn’t the strangest thing Rick had ever seen, but definitely weird in his book.

After the homeless man came into the bar, no one really wanted a drink in the town, and the cook bailed out as well. Rick tried to get rid of the lingering smell in the bar by spraying some air freshener. This did little to help the smell for the new people walking in, however with time, the brute of the smell dispersed. A man, slightly different from the rest, his head hanging a little lower than the usuals that walked in. He was murmuring about something or other. It wasn’t too odd. Rick had noticed that many of the people in the town were troubled. Things got weird when the man walked up to Rick and said:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

“This is a bar, sweetheart, not a church,” Rick said.

“What’s really the difference? Both allow people to intoxicate themselves with the idea that they can be forgiven of any transgression without the need of redemption.”

Rick thought to himself, Ok this guy is totally off his rocker.  “I think you’ve had enough,” he said as he slid the clean, empty glass back onto the rack.

“RICK, I SWEAR TO—” The man started to cry in front of Rick. There were so many unanswered questions zooming through Rick’s head. In that moment, he tried to help the guy out.

“Hey, man, okay, calm down. No need to tear up.”

He started to mumble to himself. He got up from the bar stool and slowly wandered out of the bar. While this was going on, the bar started to fill up with an evening rush. As soon as the man left, the crowd started to thicken. More and more people came in as the night droned on. His shift turned into a blur till it was finally closing time. Three in the morning rolled around, and there were still plenty of people in the bar. Rick hated to kick people out, but he needed to get some sleep.

“Come on let’s go. Bar’s closed. Get out of here,” he said shooing the crowd outside the bar. “I don’t care where you go, but you can’t stay here.”

Cleaning up the bar would have to be the morning shift’s job—he couldn’t be bothered with cleaning tonight. This was easily the busiest night he had worked since he started there, even busier than New Year’s Eve. That meant he made to make shit tons tonight. Maybe he would even call one of his friends in Colorado to get a new plant for his recreational purposes. For now he would sleep.

5 comments:

  1. Hey Ricky,
    Here's what I noticed. There doesn't seem to be much conflict, and I can't really see any motivation in your story. You seem like a cool guy, but there isn't much happening that really matters. You do a good job of interacting with the rest of the characters in the blog, but there doesn't seem to be much that comes from it. I noticed your font is changing, it would be cool if you incorporated that into the narrative somehow. You are a good character, you just need to have something happen.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Quotes I like
    He soon fell asleep and let the warm sun rain down on him.
    Maybe he would even call one of his friends in Colorado to get a new plant for his recreational purposes.

    Really make something happen. Make Rick call Carmen, make something come of that. Or make someone from Ricks past show up. Something needs to actually happen, because reading Rick go through his average days is actually pretty boring story wise. I can't tell what Ricks motivation is, or if there is any conflict at all. Nothing is really happening. You do a good job interacting with others, but very minimal story wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These blogs post comments weird. Sorry that I repeated stuff. You get the idea.

      Delete
  3. I want to see more of you and Carmen!!! Also I can't really figure Rick out... what is does he think about, what has happened in his past to shape who he is?
    Dream Topic: marriage
    Prophecy: don't go to work on next monday, something bad is going to happen

    ReplyDelete